“Iris, are you asleep again?”
I sighed. Could I ever be left alone? Cassandra looked at me anxiously.
“What’s going on girl? You’re so moody and tired. “
“And you thinks that’s weird? My house burned. And if that’s not the worst, all my photos, and clothes and stuff as well.”
“But honey, didn’t anybody told you?” It annoyed me that Cassandra knew something I did not. “What’s need to be told?” I could hear the curiosity in my own voice, even though I tried to sound annoyed.
“Your apartment is all right. The fire-brigade has been here last night. You only need a new kitchen and your furniture are a little bit damaged from extinguishing. But your clothes were in a closet so they are all still intact. All things who were in boxes are still in perfect state.”
“What?!” My mouth dropped open in astonishment. “And are you telling me this now?”
“Sorry girl, I asked another nurse if to tell you but I think she has forgotten.”
“What is wrong with her, how could she possibly forget something like that.”
“Iris don’t take it like that, I think she was very busy. I’m so sorry. “
“Forget it.” Cassandra let it go.
“This afternoon someone from the fire-brigade there will come along. They need an explanation of what happened. “What should I tell them?” Cassandra raised her two eyebrows. “Just the truth?”
“They will really appreciate. Hello sir from the fire-brigade, I fell asleep while I left the chicken on the stove.”
“Were you asleep?” Cassandra sounded surprised.
“Yes, I was tired of running.”
“But you can just tell the truth though. You have comprehensive insurance so you will get all things that are damaged back. “
“Really? Oh that’s really a relief. I could never pay that by myself!”
“I have another thing to tell you.”
“Tell me.” I looked questioningly at Cassandra. She smiled mysteriously. I found it annoying she didn’t immediately told me what’s going on. Her way of laughing really annoyed me. And I was really annoyed by myself. Because I was annoyed with everything.
“Narcosis is all right!” Cassandra was clapping her hands. Her enthusiasm was contagious. I smiled at her.
“That’s nice.”
“It is! I have arranged that specially for you!” She said very proud.
“Thanks for that!” I was relieved. But still scared. I never had surgery. I had actually never been in hospital. 
“Iris?” I looked up. Cassandra was still there.
“Yes.”
“Do you want a injection or a cap. For the narcosis, I mean.” I didn’t need to think about that. The idea of such foul-cap on my face made me shudder.
“Injection!”
“Really?” Cassandra seemed genuinely surprised.
“Yes, why?”
“Most women do not like injections.” I shrugged my shoulders.
“I do not mind. By the idea of such a stink cap I already get a claustrophobic attack! “Cassandra laughed.
“Okay I’ll tell the doctor.” She looked at her watch. “About half an hour you will be picked.”
“Okay.” I put a fake smile on my face not to show that I was quite nervous. A girl at school had ever told me that her mother had awakened from her narcosis in surgery. I shook the thoughts out of my head and watched Cassandra walked out of the room. I grabbed Eline’s old mp3 and listened to music. The half-hour seemed to fly. Soon there were two nurses next to my bed that took me to another room. The doctor introduced himself to me. I forgot his name right back and just did what I needed to do. The injection didn’t hurt at all. While the nurse still had previously said. “This will hurt a little.” As if I looked very weak. I knew myself and I was not weak. And just at the moment that I closed my eyes because I was to tired to let them open there was a soft “goodnight.”

Read it all 

Dear Iris.
If you need me, you can always call me.
My number on the back of this paper.
Do not hesitate!
xxxx Harry.
The jumble in my head now focuses on the crumpled piece of paper which is not completely white. One thought reads the text several times over, the other one on Harry’s handwriting, the image in my head is trying to imagine Harry’s face when he writes it and the last thought wants me to turn the paper quickly and look at the phone number. I listen to my last thought and turn the note. In my head I repeat the number. My phone is still in my apartment. My hand moves to the phone on my nightstand. I enclose the horn with my fingers, the smooth black plastic feels annoying to my sweaty hands. My fingers keys Harry’s number and also constantly pressing the button to hang up. Shall I call him? “Do not hesitate.” Sais the note. Of course I doubt. I can also call Cassandra. She seemed nice. I put the phone back in place and decide to philosophize all night long about if I should call Harry or not. That’ll keep my mind of fire and smoke. My body rolls itself up in a little ball. I put Harry’s note The back under my pillow. It’s as if I hear his voice through the pillow reading the text over and over and whisper it in my ear. It makes me calmer. I sniff the smell of the blanket and close my eyes. My mouth formed a smile. A new room meant many new things to smell!
When I wake up in the morning it’s all strange. I feel horrible. I’m not awake with the sweet smell of my own apartment but with a terrible hospital air. I allowed myself to not watch the time so I try to close my eyes again. I still can’t sleep after a while of tosses and turns. I get up in bed and take a look at the clock. It is 6:53 PM. A cough comes out above if I breathe deeply. I would not really know what time I get that lung research. Cassandra said early in the morning, but what does she think about early? I pick Eline mp3’s from the nightstand and watch it for a moment. I will try to listen to it again? I put the earphones in my ears again and press on the Mp3. When I hear Anna Nalick I close my eyes and I listen to the music. I let myself sit back and pull the blanket back up to my chin. With a smile I listen to her voice.

I’m scared out of my mind if someone pulls the earphones out of my left ear. With a scowl, I investigate how Cassandra is happy in frond of me.
“Sorry, but you need to get ready for research.”
“What do I have to do?”
“Maybe you should freshen up?” Nice, I’m so ugly that even the nurse who sees the most faded people wants me to go freshen up. Cranky I get out of bed. The floor is cold to my feet and shivers spread over my body. I step into the bathroom. I realize I don’t even have a toothbrush or makeup. I have nothing, no clothes, no pajamas, no clean underwear. How should I ever survive in this stupid hospital. Angry, I throw some water on my face. I open the bathroom door. Cassandra is still there.
“I have nothing.”
“What do you mean?” She looks at me quizzically.
“No toothbrush, no toothpaste, no underwear, no clothes, no pajamas!”
“Shall I call someone who can bring it when you’re in the examination?”
“Yes, please!”
“Who should I call?”
“Eline, my best friend. She is number one in my contact list.”
“Okay I’m going to do that, another nurse will get you about fifteen minutes.”
“What examination will I get?”
“You get a tube in your mouth. That goes down through your windpipe into your lungs and there is a small camera at the end. So they can look into your lungs.”
“O my gosh no, I don’t want that!”
“Yes you will!”
“No, there is nothing wrong with me!”
“We have to be sure.”
“I am sure about one thing, I do not want a thing in my throat. It don’t bother me there’s something wrong, that will heal itself. Once I got a stomach examination because I ate some pills I liked. I also needed a hose down my throat to my stomach. That was the worst ever. So terrible that the nurses had to hold me with 7 while I was only 6 or 7. How sad is that. “
“But now you’re older, it’ll be probably less terrible.”
“No, I don’t believe that. I just don’t want to. I have been gagging at the idea. “Cassandra heaves a sigh. 
“I’ll discuss it with the doctor.”
“Do that.” Cassandra disappears from the room. I’m going back to bed in that awful hospital pajamas and close my eyes. I’m actually still quite tired.


Read it all 

Dear Iris.
If you need me, you can always call me.
My 06-number on the back of this paper.
Do not hesitate!
xxxx Harry.
The jumble in my head now focuses on the crumpled piece of paper which is not completely white. One thought reads the text several times over, the other one on Harry’s handwriting, the image in my head is trying to imagine Harry’s face when he writes it and the last thought wants me to turn the paper quickly and look at the phone number. I listen to my last thought and turn the note. In my head I repeat the number. My phone is still in my apartment. My hand moves to the phone on my nightstand. I enclose the horn with my fingers, the smooth black plastic feels annoying to my sweaty hands. My fingers keys Harry’s number and also constantly pressing the button to hang up. Shall I call him? “Do not hesitate.” Sais the note. Of course I doubt. I can also call Cassandra. She seemed nice. I put the phone back in place and decide to philosophize all night long about if I should call Harry or not. That’ll keep my mind of fire and smoke. My body rolls itself up in a little ball. I put Harry’s note The back under my pillow. It’s as if I hear his voice through the pillow reading the text over and over and whisper it in my ear. It makes me calmer. I sniff the smell of the blanket and close my eyes. My mouth formed a smile. A new room meant many new things to smell!
When I wake up in the morning it’s all strange. I feel horrible. I’m not awake with the sweet smell of my own apartment but with a terrible hospital air. I allowed myself to not watch the time so I try to close my eyes again. I still can’t sleep after a while of tosses and turns. I get up in bed and take a look at the clock. It is 6:53 PM. A cough comes out above if I breathe deeply. I would not really know what time I get that lung research. Cassandra said early in the morning, but what does she think about early? I pick Eline mp3’s from the nightstand and watch it for a moment. I will try to listen to it again? I put the earphones in my ears again and press on the Mp3. When I hear Anna Nalick I close my eyes and I listen to the music. I let myself sit back and pull the blanket back up to my chin. With a smile I listen to her voice.

I’m scared out of my mind if someone pulls the earphones out of my left ear. With a scowl, I investigate how Cassandra is happy in frond of me.
“Sorry, but you need to get ready for research.”
“What do I have to do?”
“Maybe you should freshen up?” Nice, I’m so ugly that even the nurse who sees the most faded people wants me to go freshen up. Cranky I get out of bed. The floor is cold to my feet and shivers spread over my body. I step into the bathroom. I realize I don’t even have a toothbrush or makeup. I have nothing, no clothes, no pajamas, no clean underwear. How should I ever survive in this stupid hospital. Angry, I throw some water on my face. I open the bathroom door. Cassandra is still there.
“I have nothing.”
“What do you mean?” She looks at me quizzically.
“No toothbrush, no toothpaste, no underwear, no clothes, no pajamas!”
“Shall I call someone who can bring it when you’re in the examination?”
“Yes, please!”
“Who should I call?”
“Eline, my best friend. She is number one in my contact list.”
“Okay I’m going to do that, another nurse will get you about fifteen minutes.”
“What examination will I get?”
“You get a tube in your mouth. That goes down through your windpipe into your lungs and there is a small camera at the end. So they can look into your lungs.”
“O my gosh no, I don’t want that!”
“Yes you will!”
“No, there is nothing wrong with me!”
“We have to be sure.”
“I am sure about one thing, I do not want a thing in my throat. It don’t bother me there’s something wrong, that will heal itself. Once I got a stomach examination and I also needed a hose down my throat to my stomach. That was the worst ever. So terrible that the nurses had to hold me with 7 while I was only 6 or 7. How sad is that. “
“But now you’re older, it’ll be probably less terrible.”
“No, I don’t believe that. I just don’t want to. I have been gagging at the idea. “Cassandra heaves a sigh. 
“I’ll discuss it with the doctor.”
“Do that.” Cassandra disappears from the room. I’m going back to bed in that awful hospital pajamas and close my eyes. I’m actually still quite tired.

Read it all 

(via mycreepstonight)

(via lexgarths)

My superhero

(Source: bbradford, via drunkforliam)